Comments on: Adult Kids – Ultimatums & Consequences… Time to Grow Up http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/ Building a Better Life... Mon, 09 Jan 2012 17:58:20 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Angie http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-1525 Angie Mon, 12 Jul 2010 01:27:09 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-1525 thank you so much for the website and advice. I have a different situation with my 21 yr. old son (from a previous marriage) who doesn't drive and hasn't been able to get a job due to his lack of motivation and the fact that he has a misdemeanor on his record. He won't cut his hair or clean up his appearance. he says people shouldn't judge other people by their appearance. i've taken him around to put in apps. and pointed out apps he can fill out online. I just feel i shouldn't have to hold his hand, he needs to figure these things out on his own, but he won't. I've been been at my wits end trying to figure out how to deal with this situation. It's also been causing a rif in my relationship with my husband. I love the advice you gave on this perticular blog and will incorperate this into my situation. If you have any other advice i'm open to suggestions. thanks so much, Angie thank you so much for the website and advice. I have a different situation with my 21 yr. old son (from a previous marriage) who doesn’t drive and hasn’t been able to get a job due to his lack of motivation and the fact that he has a misdemeanor on his record. He won’t cut his hair or clean up his appearance. he says people shouldn’t judge other people by their appearance. i’ve taken him around to put in apps. and pointed out apps he can fill out online. I just feel i shouldn’t have to hold his hand, he needs to figure these things out on his own, but he won’t.

I’ve been been at my wits end trying to figure out how to deal with this situation. It’s also been causing a rif in my relationship with my husband. I love the advice you gave on this perticular blog and will incorperate this into my situation.
If you have any other advice i’m open to suggestions.

thanks so much,
Angie

]]> By: Sakira http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-1459 Sakira Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:00:23 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-1459 Hello Brent, I just want to say thank you. I don't generally hear someone speak my thoughts on parenting adult children so eloquently. I do not belief that we help our children by allowing them to stay at home without responsibility and/or consequences. Thanks again Sakira Hello Brent,
I just want to say thank you. I don’t generally hear someone speak my thoughts on parenting adult children so eloquently. I do not belief that we help our children by allowing them to stay at home without responsibility and/or consequences.
Thanks again
Sakira

]]> By: liz http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-650 liz Sat, 30 Jan 2010 01:22:22 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-650 Brent, Enjoy reading your posts. Looking forward to your follow up on Parenting young kids. Question - what if the adult child, got married, and has kids? How does one properly respond to this behaviour? It seems like it is OK for a good parent to separate in love from the child, but it is not OK for a wife to separate from a husband. Sincerely, Liz Brent, Enjoy reading your posts. Looking forward to your follow up on Parenting young kids. Question – what if the adult child, got married, and has kids? How does one properly respond to this behaviour? It seems like it is OK for a good parent to separate in love from the child, but it is not OK for a wife to separate from a husband. Sincerely, Liz

]]> By: Arlene http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-647 Arlene Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:34:48 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-647 Help-Ultimatums-or ?- for my 26 year old daughter! My 26 year old daughter has been living with her boyfriend for a few years now, and is currently looking for a job. She's had a couple on/off jobs, and boyfriend doesn't work full time either. Our family doesn't care for her boyfriend, but in the past I haven't told her that, because I felt it may drive her away completely. I kept thinking she would realize this relationship isn't going anywhere, BIG MISTAKE. Boyfriend has 4 kids, 2 of which have lived with them over the years, and the others with their mom's. She and her boyfriend actually lived with boyfriend's mom and more people before they moved. Recently I have learned that they have sex together with other people, and that a woman who used to live with them just had a baby fathered by my daughter's boyfriend, and supposidly my daughter and him are now trying to get pregnant. INSANE. In the past I have helped my daughter financially with car repairs, and a couple hundred here, and there etc. My oldest daughter and I are going to talk with her tomorrow, and more than anything we want her out of there, but we're not sure how it's going to go. I'm considering giving her the ultimatum that if she stays with him, I won't help her anymore financially. I'm writing this on my lunch hour and have to get back to work. I want her to know that I love her and want to help her, but that this can't go on. I won't make a threat (ultimatum) that I won't keep, so I'm cautious as to what to do, especially since I haven't talked to her about him before. Any input you have will be appreciated, and I read your posts about God watching over, and that gave me a small comfort for the moment. Help-Ultimatums-or ?- for my 26 year old daughter!
My 26 year old daughter has been living with her boyfriend for a few years now, and is currently looking for a job. She’s had a couple on/off jobs, and boyfriend doesn’t work full time either. Our family doesn’t care for her boyfriend, but in the past I haven’t told her that, because I felt it may drive her away completely. I kept thinking she would realize this relationship isn’t going anywhere, BIG MISTAKE. Boyfriend has 4 kids, 2 of which have lived with them over the years, and the others with their mom’s. She and her boyfriend actually lived with boyfriend’s mom and more people before they moved. Recently I have learned that they have sex together with other people, and that a woman who used to live with them just had a baby fathered by my daughter’s boyfriend, and supposidly my daughter and him are now trying to get pregnant. INSANE. In the past I have helped my daughter financially with car repairs, and a couple hundred here, and there etc. My oldest daughter and I are going to talk with her tomorrow, and more than anything we want her out of there, but we’re not sure how it’s going to go. I’m considering giving her the ultimatum that if she stays with him, I won’t help her anymore financially. I’m writing this on my lunch hour and have to get back to work. I want her to know that I love her and want to help her, but that this can’t go on. I won’t make a threat (ultimatum) that I won’t keep, so I’m cautious as to what to do, especially since I haven’t talked to her about him before. Any input you have will be appreciated, and I read your posts about God watching over, and that gave me a small comfort for the moment.

]]> By: admin http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-630 admin Sat, 16 Jan 2010 10:34:10 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-630 When you get to the point o suicide, violence, extreme rebellion, it's far too complicated to give a general answer here. I would immediately advise someone to find some Godly, mature parents who have some experience with this, and ask for their counsel as they are able to hear all the details.... When you get to the point o suicide, violence, extreme rebellion, it’s far too complicated to give a general answer here. I would immediately advise someone to find some Godly, mature parents who have some experience with this, and ask for their counsel as they are able to hear all the details….

]]> By: Carol Crabtree http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-627 Carol Crabtree Sat, 16 Jan 2010 05:20:48 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-627 Brent, I follow your family blog and pray for Abby and your entire family. I know things are really hard right now, so sorry. Anyway, I love what you have just written. I agree with it 100%. I also agree with your idea on discipline for the younger children, and feel I have taught my children well, as my oldest is now a Momma, and doing a fantastic job with her 2 little tots. Anyway, thanks for sending out that great advice. There are so many people that I know, who, if they read this, would whole heartedly nod in agreement, but...if faced with the dilemma such as the one presented to you, would NEVER be able to follow thru with it, because they "love" their kids. But it takes grit, blood, sweat and tears to parent a child, and love is not just adoration. One question....what if a parent were fearing that their adult child was depressed or in danger of hurting him/herself or possibly suicidal? Would you still hold to those same recommendations? If that child were drinking or being irresponsible? Just curious how you would advise people to handle that. Brent,
I follow your family blog and pray for Abby and your entire family. I know things are really hard right now, so sorry.
Anyway, I love what you have just written. I agree with it 100%. I also agree with your idea on discipline for the younger children, and feel I have taught my children well, as my oldest is now a Momma, and doing a fantastic job with her 2 little tots. Anyway, thanks for sending out that great advice. There are so many people that I know, who, if they read this, would whole heartedly nod in agreement, but…if faced with the dilemma such as the one presented to you, would NEVER be able to follow thru with it, because they “love” their kids. But it takes grit, blood, sweat and tears to parent a child, and love is not just adoration.
One question….what if a parent were fearing that their adult child was depressed or in danger of hurting him/herself or possibly suicidal? Would you still hold to those same recommendations? If that child were drinking or being irresponsible? Just curious how you would advise people to handle that.

]]> By: Ariel http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-310 Ariel Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:27:12 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-310 Thank you brother for your advice! Your wisdom it shows the Grace of God poured into your life and thorough your lived experiences. Your advice has enforced my dealings with my two young adult boys. I continue to pray for them and to show Christ in my daily walk. Our youth need not just good model men, but practical Christ like men that fear the Lord and respect/love their family. Thank you again for your encouragement. Thank you brother for your advice! Your wisdom it shows the Grace of God poured into your life and thorough your lived experiences.
Your advice has enforced my dealings with my two young adult boys. I continue to pray for them and to show Christ in my daily walk. Our youth need not just good model men, but practical Christ like men that fear the Lord and respect/love their family. Thank you again for your encouragement.

]]> By: admin http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-137 admin Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:55:35 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-137 Thanks Kathy... I guess I needed a break because I feel pretty energized too... have been exercising regularly as of late so that is helping me feel better too... I think my age is catching up to my body, although mentally I feel as sharp and creative as ever... my mind wants MUCH more than my body can produce any more.... Thanks Kathy… I guess I needed a break because I feel pretty energized too… have been exercising regularly as of late so that is helping me feel better too… I think my age is catching up to my body, although mentally I feel as sharp and creative as ever… my mind wants MUCH more than my body can produce any more….

]]> By: Kathy http://www.brentriggsblog.com/2009/09/adult-kids-ultimatums-consequences-time-to-grow-up/comment-page-1/#comment-135 Kathy Wed, 30 Sep 2009 01:45:46 +0000 http://www.brentriggsblog.com/?p=724#comment-135 I for one, have missed your posts, but the break must've done you good! This is a fantastic post!!! I hope that parents will read and take heed! Having raised 3 kids, my husband and I have had to lay down some ultimatums ourselves. You are right, it is every good parent's nightmare, but it worked for us, and the children became better people because of it. I call them children, but they were all 18 or older at the time. I believe that all of our children now appreciate the things that we have done for them, and because we limited what we did do, they became more responsible adults. Write some more, please! After reading some of today's posts about 3 things parents should teach children, I am worried about the future of our youth! I for one, have missed your posts, but the break must’ve done you good! This is a fantastic post!!! I hope that parents will read and take heed! Having raised 3 kids, my husband and I have had to lay down some ultimatums ourselves. You are right, it is every good parent’s nightmare, but it worked for us, and the children became better people because of it. I call them children, but they were all 18 or older at the time. I believe that all of our children now appreciate the things that we have done for them, and because we limited what we did do, they became more responsible adults. Write some more, please! After reading some of today’s posts about 3 things parents should teach children, I am worried about the future of our youth!

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