Comments on: Random Thoughts – May 26, 2010: Man Purses, Parental Excuses, Mamas & Obamas

By: Sela

Sela — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 00:57:41 +0000

I just wanted to comment that, while I agree with a bit of what you have said here, you should add that being respectful of the current president, no matter whether or not you agree with his policies, is important. Decreasing him to a joke, especially to your children, is wrong. If you didn’t appreciate it when it happened to the previous president, then you have no right to do it to this president. He is our authority, put into place for a reason, and God commands us to respect him. Disagreeing with him is a whole other thing. I, personally, strongly disagree with his policies. But I respect him and don’t speak of him in a disrespectful manner–especially to impressionable kids.
Also, the part about the beer commercial–”sissy men”? Homosexuality is wrong–there’s no doubt about that. But not all men that are slightly effeminate are gay. My brother, for instance. Not all of those of the male persuasion are going to be athletic, “manly” men. With all due respect, I find that a little hurtful, ignorant, and wrong.

By: Marie

Marie — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 01:40:20 +0000

I already posted on this when you originally posted it, but I continue to agree.

I’m a nanny and just went on a holiday for a family with three kids. Their behavior was appalling. At 2, 3 and 5 the tantrums were out of control. The interesting thing is that when I had the kids, the tantrums all but disappeared. I ignored the tantrums, and immediately punished bad behavior with a time out. There were instant consequences for each action, and the kids very quickly learned to behave with me. As soon as the parents returned, the crying, screaming, hitting etc returned. I’d hear the parents making constant empty threats, and cajoling them through tantrums for up to 30 minutes with cuddles and songs (the tantrums ended quick smart when I just turned away and ignored the child until they stopped crying, let me tell you). I wanted to send the parents to discipline classes!!!

By: Tara

Tara — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 12:32:09 +0000

Amen, and great read!! I am the mother of 7 kids and am always amazed at how ‘shocked’ people are that our kids actually sit nicely with us in church! We are constantly being complimented on there polite and respectful behavior..many parents are in disbelief that a child, let alone 7, is REALLY capable of this! They ask me all the time how we do it..well we start young, as tempting as it to send them off to the sugar loaded ‘bounce house’ that so many churches wonderfully provide for kids..We recognized early on that in the long term this would not send the message we wanted our kids to learn..and that is that church would remain a place in there lives throughout there entire lives. This is not to say that all that ‘fun’ is bad..we actually make a point to go to both services so that one hour they do the ‘bounce house’ fun, and the next hour they worship together with there family. I believe if you dont start them learning family togetherness when there young, they may just very well depart from it when candy and bounce houses have lost there affect. I am thankful that we saw this early on, as so many of my church friends dont get why there tweens dont want to go to church anymore..and well we aren’t experiencing this..just ‘lucky’,maybe? but honestly we put in alot of effort and energy into them when they were younger, and I can’t help but feel that there ability to sit quietly and politely, is due to the fact we are reaping what we sew. That being said, there are other areas that we have made excuses in our family because of our own lack of desire to put the work in..and those areas we are reaping too..seems to me that you do get out what you put in..the good and the ugly.

By: S

Sun, 03 Oct 2010 22:42:14 +0000

I agree, sometimes a kid is tired – so send her to bed. Outside of truly extenuating circumstances – which doesn’t include everyday stresses – the only excuse I want to hear myself making is “we’re working on resolving this and haven’t quite gotten there yet.” It does take time as well as commitment, unless you have one of those kids who is naturally cooperative. My preschoolers take turns being the brat – though their public behavior is usually OK.

Being strong is more than just standing up to your tot. It often means standing up to harsh criticism. My kids know that I am not afraid to whack their little butts in public if it comes to that. It RARELY comes to that – because they know I’d do it – but it takes maturity, courage, and wisdom to actually take that step. To come across to bystanders as “I am in control of myself and my children and this is the most appropriate action at this moment.” Even then, the results aren’t always pretty.

But yeah, psychology has convinced people that kids really aren’t kids. That you can count on them to reason at a much higher level than they actually can when they are tired or frustrated. That with the right kind of cajoling, you can salvage a grown-up-ish activity that a child has decided to disrupt. It all sounds wise, but I have never seen a child who responds well to that. The most unhappy kids I’ve known are the ones whose parents choose “understanding” over discipline. (You can understand and still discipline!)

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 28 May 2010 14:48:41 +0000

I agree with you wholeheartedly on all points. Keep up the good work.

By: Marie

Marie — Fri, 28 May 2010 03:11:33 +0000

I agree with both of you. The other day a child was screaming in the mall, and my mother very rudely said “MY GOODNESS!” and gave the mom a dirty look. I dragged my mom away in horror, asking how could she be so rude. We don’t know if that child is autistic or has some other kind of special need, or what had happened right before it. Or like Holly pointed out, some tough parents still get difficult children. We don’t know that woman’s story.

But I agree with Brent’s point – it’s the excuses we’re sick of. “She’s tired” is NOT an excuse for bad behavior. Brent showed us that even when Abby was sick, there were certain expectations for manners and general behavior, and Abby met them. Even when tired there are acceptable limits, and saying “She’s tired” teaches the child if you are tired you can get away with murder. My friend Meaghan has a mix of both – yes her daughter is particularly strong willed. But I’ve also seen Meaghan let her get away with shocking behavior and she’s not required to lift her game – so she doesn’t.

By: Angela

Angela — Fri, 28 May 2010 02:49:12 +0000

Amen to no more excuses! Great post.

By: Angela

Angela — Fri, 28 May 2010 02:47:47 +0000

Totally in the same boat. Our first was just difficult enough to raise that we had to work at it but easy enough that we were patting our backs over a job well done. Then along came #2–strong willed as all get out. We had the EXACT same experience with fit throwing and him not really learning to control himself until age 4. He’s 7 now and let me tell you all that hard work is really paying off…although he is still not easy. #3 is the easiest child on the planet…or seems so after her brother. Ha! I try to cut parents slack too remembering our difficult days.

By: admin

admin — Thu, 27 May 2010 15:36:08 +0000

And FYI… it’s not blaming the parents every time kids are brats (all of our kids have their bratty moments). It’s blaming the parents when they make excuses or ignore their bratty kids routinely.

By: admin

admin — Thu, 27 May 2010 15:34:20 +0000

I totally agree… we should cut parents lots and lots and lots of slack… BUT, when parents finally hear or learn the truth they should not make excuses any more, they should do the hard work of changing their parenting philosophy, and the even harder work of implementing it in their home.